Lyrics - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better by Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than
Kunta
Kinte at a
Merle
Haggard concert that night
Istrolled on into
Uncle
Limpy's
Hump
Palace lookin' for love.
It had been awhile.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since thatmidnight run haulin' hog to
Shakey
Town on
I-10.
I had picked up thishitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of
Daisy
Duke cut-offs andone of those
Fruit
Of
The
Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night
I lost myself toruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was
Russell.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well
I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing comeup to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was
Bambi and
I said, "
Well that's a coincidence darlin', ?cause
I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer".
Well she smiled, hadabout as much teeth as a
Jack-
O-
Lantern, and
I went on to tell her how
I wouldwear her face like a mask as
I do my little kooky dance.
And then shetold me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation. ?
Course, it's hard tohide a hard-on when you're dressed like
Minnie
Pearl.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well
I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
So,
Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So
Isays, "
Even this one
I have where
Jesus
Christ is jackhammering
Mickey
Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as
Garth
Brooks gives birthto something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa
Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollarslater
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what
I mean.
Gotto nail her back at her trailer.
Heh.
That rhymes.
I have to admit it was evenmore of a turn-on when
I found out she was doin' me to buy babyformula.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well
I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Day or so had passed when
I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slidon into
The
Stinky
Pinky
Gulp
N'
Guzzle
Big
Rig
Snooze-
A-
Stop.
There
I was browsin' through the latest issue of "
Throb", when
I saw
Bambistarin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So,
I decided to do what any good
Christian would.
You can not imagine howdifficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish theone-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I neverthought missing children could be so sexy.
Did
I say that out loud?
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well
I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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